Archive for the 'politics' Category

02
Nov

Top 5 Political Gaffes During the Campaigns

By mitch sarton 0 Comments
Categories: funny and politics

Accidents, “oopsies,” no-nos, faux pas — call it what you like, but a gaffe’s a gaffe.

We’ve never been closer to the interesting change that will happen with the United States government.  With that, just before November 4, let’s take a moment and look back at the good times — the real gaffes that have given the media power to make fun of candidates.  The social errors that feed satire that we so lovingly believe in.

John McCain’s Tongue

This has to be my favorite image of the year.  This has the makings of a classic — a slip, the unusual facial expression, the being-caught-on-camera — the photoshopped images that followed? It has everything!

Sarah Palin “Sees Russia From Her House” … and elaborates

This is Palin just being so goshdarned adorable.  Katie Couric asks her to elaborate on the “proximity to Russia = foreign policy” comment/gaffe, and what she gets is an adorable Palin trying to explain that the media has, “ahihihi,” taken the words out of context — what she meant to say was, should Putin rear his head, presumably from his neck, like a turtle, Alaska is a no-fly-zone, only because it’s the closest place to rear heads in from Russia, apparently.

Barack Obama Travels 57 States

In Oregon, Barack Obama tries to recount exactly how many states he’s visited in the last 15 months.  While he struggles to get the “fifty-seven” in there, it seems like it’s not enough, so he mentions that there’s still one more left to go.  Whoah, 58 states?  Will that be Barack’s America, or “Barack America”? … which leads to Joe Biden, of course, who once, in a moment of thinking about multiple things at once, calls Obama, “Barack America.”

Sarah Palin Gets Picked to run for VP, doesn’t exactly know what a VP does…

When asked by a third grader, “What does a Vice President do?”  Sarah Palin tries to explain to “Brandon,” in simplest terms, that “[T]hey’re in charge of the United States Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom.”  Which of course is wrong — the VP just hangs out ‘til the President croaks, of course!

John McCain “That One”

Since I started the list with something from the Presidential debates, I might as well end this list with another one from “that one.”  While trying to defend his stance on an energy bill, John McCain quips, “There was an energy bill on the floor of the Senate loaded down with goodies, billions for the oil companies, and it was sponsored by Bush and Cheney. You know who voted for it? You might never know. That one.”  Which of course led to shirts, bumper stickers and various other merchandise to be made.  Notice the glee and enthusiasm he has in the video while covertly(?) pointing at “that one” as if he wasn’t in the same room!

What do you think was the most memorable gaffe during the campaigns?  Share your thoughts over @ The Jabber.

29
Oct

Worse Comes to Worst Situations, Post-11/4

By mitch sarton 1 Comment
Categories: politics and rant

11/4 could mean the best or worst time to be an American.  But if worse comes to worst — here are a few things we could look forward to.

November 4.  It won’t be just another Tuesday — it’d become the determinant for the rest of our futures, as citizens, performing the civic duty that is the right to suffrage.  Should the elections be an “honest” and untainted thing, people who vote for a certain candidate can expect the truth to come out.  But with such a wide range of cheats available, the results are always an item of dispute.

Will it be the best or worst time to be alive?  Who knows?  We’ll have several opportunities to think the decision over — or plan our getaway.  Here are a couple of scenarios that may happen if worse does come to worst.

More of the same. Life couldn’t be worse, right?  McCain wins, we all suffer the same 8 years that has gone by, only older, and well, with a much hotter temper.  Democrats will be surprised at the turn-out, given that there was a new hope in the force, while the empire still wins.  What if the Republican Deathstar had no weak spot?  What if the great Republican empire still wins over the ewoks hoping for change?  Then we’ll have four more years to plot a rebellion, while using Star Wars metaphors.

Civil war. Aren’t we in civil war mode already?  With news about smear campaigns and carving initials unto supporters, we shouldn’t be surprised if civil war breaks out.  Neighbor against neighbor, brother against brother — political belief will dictate which side you’ll be on — and third-party supporters are going to be weighing in the best of either side that represents their ideals.  There will be chaos — America will be out of touch with the rest of the world, while third-world countries will try to intervene.

Zombie holocaust. It starts with a shoddy health care plan — then they’ll find cheaper alternatives to medicine for old people.  Old people start acting funny after they get buried — a chunky bite to the shoulder of the nurse and that’s where the infection starts — ‘til everyone is infected.  Then they’ll make a movie/comic/game about stripper fighting off zombies in the White House.  I mean, they’ll start to go after President Palin’s brain, ya know pow pow you betcha.

23
Oct

A Political Halloween

By mitch sarton 0 Comments
Categories: bizarre, funny and politics

With Halloween ‘round the corner and the elections following shortly after that, and, well, I’m afraid of a lot of things.

For Halloween to come and have trick-or-treaters parading around as miniscule versions of candidates, asking for my candy?  That’d be too much!  Well, this year, I think I’ll have to set up horrors of my own to deter potential trick-or-treaters.  I have to rig up my house so that it scares the crap out of the neighborhood kids — and I wonder, what’s scarier than an uncertain future?

Freaky sounds – For one, I could try to queue up sounds as the kids walk by the front porch.  As of today, I’ve no idea how to queue up the sounds, but I do have a great selection of soundbites, courtesy of Slate’s Crank-Call Generator.  You could start of with sounds like, “I’m John McCain” to get the kids antsy, and the soundbite, “I have been a constant reformer” to send ‘em finally running!

Cardboard display cut-outs – There are lots of display up for sale for the Halloween season; various skeletons, vampires, werewolves, monsters, etc.  But me, I’m more of a zombie type, so, as previously highlighted in my last entry, this is what my cutout will look like:

Scary, no?  Get the crispest version of this image you could find and set it to a printer — printing life-sized stuff don’t cost as much anymore these days.  I’m still finding a way to make it move the tongue and hands like that.

The Mask – Okay, so maybe they got over several soundbites’ worth of promises for hope, a better future, etc.  So they made it through that scary cardboard cut-out — you could always put on this scary little mask:

A “you betcha”-transfixed eyeless look — now that’s scary.

The Future – What’s scarier than the possibility of a Palin future?  The guys over at PalinAsPresident.us have been updating their site daily, adding bits straight out of Ms. Palin’s words — rifles in the oval office, drilling just way beyond site — it’s a heightened reality, but it’s pretty scary, none the less.

It’s a little drastic, but I guess we have to scare the kids about the constant Halloween that is bad politics.
Beyond a McCain/Palin mask, scary tales of financial crises — what other kinds of politically-flavored Halloween scares can you come up with?  Share it over @ The Jabber.

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