3 Hamburgers That The Candidates Remind Me Of

Did anyone see the debates last night? While it made several viewers sleepy — it made me hungry.

Think about it — if Obama and McCain were campaigning to be my meals, then they’d probably be fighting each other out on my menu. Listening to them, I couldn’t help but think of hamburgers. What’s more American than a hamburger? We all love ‘em!

McCain is a traditional hamburger. The kind you’d find in an old-fashioned diner, (that is, if you could find a diner, even!) this is the kind of burger you ate as a kid when there wasn’t a McDonald’s nearby. The kind you find in little snack stalls along the beach. The farthest this invention has gone? Adding cheese in between. Which, at the time, seemed brilliant, but doesn’t exactly satiate the modern man’s tastes. You loved eating it — that is, until you discovered that there were different kinds of burgers out there.

Obama is a Luther Burger. If you’ve never heard of this epicurean delight, then where have you been?! It’s basically a bacon cheeseburger, sandwiched in-between two grilled glazed donuts. (And by glazed donuts, I mean the type that comes from Krispy Kreme, of course) Traditional burger lovers need a bit of convincing to trying this out, but a majority of people seem to be open-minded even at how different it is. It’s a promise of something new, in an incredible new package. Sweet on the outside, with all the real meat in the middle. If you haven’t tried it — it’s very addicting. Although obviously, too much of it’s bad for you.

As a bonus, how could we forget Palin?!

Palin is the Quad Stacker. A heart attack in the making. A modification of the traditional burger, it has four 2.2 ounces of grilled beef patties, American cheese, bacon and special Stacker sauce. Calories from fat in one? 620. Cholesterol? 240 mg. It may start out as any other affair with a burger, but after one you might end up somewhere else. It is decidedly unhealthy, and doesn’t even attempt at covering up that fact. If you are, in any way concerned with your burger-consuming future, steer clear of this one.

So who wants a traditional burger? How about a luther burger? Care for a Quad Stacker? The elections is a serious matter, and this comparison in no way reflects how supporters of their respective parties want their burgers. I mean, hopefully we could still afford burgers next year.